Learning how to speak your truth starts with seeing how closely truth and anxiety are related. We want to make people happy, so if we feel like we have something to say that might let them down or disturb them, we hold it in. We mean well, and we don’t want to be selfish. We aren’t exactly lying, but we also aren’t telling the truth.
Why It Feels Selfish to Speak Your Truth
It makes sense. We’re taught that being selfless is important, and that the most honorable thing to do is to put others first. Yes to compassion, yes to caring for others, and yes, we do sometimes have to compromise. At the same time, we can get off track chasing what we think we should do rather than experiencing what we actually feel.
Often we squish down what we really desire because we believe it will inconvenience someone. To us it feels like we’re being easygoing. To everyone else, they’re left trying to interpret something that isn’t true and figure out the unspoken puzzle we created. We say we’re okay with something, and then we resent that person for it, because we weren’t okay with it. Lol, relatable?
Here’s the thing, though: this is a piece we’ve been taught to suppress for a very, very long time. It’s ancestral. It’s in our blood. For most people, it isn’t easy to just start walking around saying what’s true or what we want. It feels selfish.
Creating Pathways for Truth
So the single biggest thing you can do for yourself to release anxiety and promote healing is to start creating pathways for truth. That is how to speak your truth without it feeling like a leap.
Let me give you an example of my yes’s and no’s. If my partner and I were picking a place to eat lunch, I used to go along with whatever he wanted, even if it wasn’t what I really wanted. I would either tell myself I was being considerate by letting him choose, or I would convince myself that I wanted what he wanted too (like, “I just don’t feel like having sushi today, but it’s a light meal and it’s healthy, so maybe it’s good that we get sushi”).
It’s just lunch, not a big deal.
How to Speak Your Truth Step by Step
Now let’s switch to something with higher stakes. Say you’re working an edge around intimacy and pleasure, and you’re learning how to verbalize your yes’s and no’s. If you go straight for the most triggering place to speak the truth, there’s a very good chance it will get messy real fast. If it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, you might end up reinforcing your old belief that it isn’t safe to say what you want. Add any sensitivity here, and what you’ve created is more evidence for the story that you have to suppress your needs.
So instead of practicing your yes’s and no’s at the highest stakes, try it on something simple first. When you can say what you really want for lunch and be okay with the fact that it might make someone uncomfortable, then you can move on to bigger things. Create pathways for yourself one step at a time.
You don’t have to be it all right now. If you’re wondering how to speak your truth today, start with something as small as lunch.
When Truth Shows Up in Your Sessions
If you’re a practitioner, holding back your truth can quietly shape your work: softening what you see, playing easygoing with clients, or saying yes to arrangements that leave you resentful. The Way of the Hollow Bone Master Healer Certification is a nine-month path for healers ready to speak honestly in session, hold clear boundaries, and build a practice where their yes’s and no’s are respected, starting with their own. Apply now if you’re ready to practice from truth.